She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
