I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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