This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
