I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
