when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
