Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
