Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
