remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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