Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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