She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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