I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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