I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
