i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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