well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
