I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Terrible idea I love it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
