my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
