Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
