I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
