They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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