I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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