I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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