the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
