i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
tell me about the eggs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
