i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sext me about skeletons
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
