I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
