new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
