Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
