Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
