You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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