Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
