your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
