tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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