I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
