I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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