I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
