I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
