She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
