I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
