Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
