It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
