you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
