Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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