I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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