I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
