Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
