I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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