I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
