we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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