Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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