Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
