so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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