Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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