Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Drunk is not a location!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
