Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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