Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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