I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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